A selfish post.
I miss the family something rotten. I look at their photos everyday. Now I have Skype at work I speak with them most days. Jaime is at school. The last few days Kezia doesn`t want to speak to me – that hurts. But then what does she think of me so far away?
I wrap myself up in work and this blog. I wrap myself up in anything to do with cancer treatments, the UK National Health Service, (recently) cancer in Africa, children and young adults with cancer, open-source medicine etc etc. I never go out apart from basics like shopping and getting the car fixed. Previous interests and hobbies have gone out of the window. And maybe they shouldn´t.
I come home from work to an empty house …
Weekends are horrible …
Kezia´s treatment – someone in a comment on another blog asked if scientific papers, reports etc make a difference to treatment decisions. No, I don’t question the wisdom of her treatment, because I think she is receiving state-of-the-art treatment, and because my own knowledge is limited. But I do want to understand the science behind it. I read all these medical papers, try to understand them and try to put them in plain-speak because I think carers and patients, with less education than I, also have the right to understand. Making any science accessible to the masses has to be an aim of a good scientist.
I think that maybe if Kezia´s treatment became/becomes difficult, if choices have to be made as parents … and certainly H., A.and S. have been put in this situation … then the more informed the better. The decisions that Josie Grove and Davo have taken, have to be and I hope were, based on their understanding.
I skype Nanda every treatment day to check everything is going to plan – they´re going to get back from hospital on time to pick up Jaime from school, they`re going to have to stay and who is going to pick up and care for Jaime?
And I worry about money. Every month, will there be enough? Here, at least, I can get credit at local stores, kiosks etc – but in the UK that must be very rare (small islands in NW Scotland?). Here I can defer bills (fuck, electricity bills are three months late and the PO Box is five months late, the last trip to the UK is only 40% paid, I owe the bank 200 pounds at the end of the month). But I must make sure Nanda has enough to pay bills, rent etc.
I miss the family something rotten.